Why's ? Lies and Crucifies...

Back home I’m just going through the motions.
If there is one thing I hate it’s an enforced separation, but within a couple of weeks Haddy has applied to the British High Commission with all the documentation and the six hundred and forty four quid needed to process the visa application…
And so we wait in a form of limbo for anything resembling news or contact from their august highnesses whose hands (or in-trays) are holding our lives in their hands.
And we wait…
And we wait…
And we wait…
After another dispiriting phone call I suggested to Haddy that she asks a couple of people she knows whether the High Commission are actually processing visas at the moment ?
Apparently they are…
But only visitors visas.
Leave it another week and try again.
Same answer.
You know…
I don’t have a lot of time for bureaucracy as some people are aware.
It gets nowhere and breeds more resentment and contempt for those who enforce it than even I could put into words.
There is no need for it and it’s just an egomaniac’s misuse of authority at best and a total pillock’s at worst.

Finally, I get the call…
They are talking to her tomorrow.
Oh shit !
You know when you agree to do something for somebody and the day is put off and put off and finally you’re both in the same place and time frame ?
Well that was me.
I’d agreed to be an artists model, nudeish no less, for my mate Jo Taylor who I’d done the
Twist of Fete gig for, and that was the same day that Haddy would be getting her interview…
Oh bum !
Jo had actually asked me to be Jesus in one of her artworks and like a twat, I’d said yes I’d do it…

And here's Jo and me in a practice pose for our new photo' book,
Kinky Poses Volume 5...





The idea was to show the humiliation and degradation of the poor bloke being crucified and so I was nude apart from a strategically placed bandana on my head and a pair of enormous white Y-fronts.
Honestly, you had to see it to believe it ?
So there I was…

Stark bollock naked except for the afore mentioned clothing when my mobile rang…
It was Haddy, and she was having problems.

The following are rough but accurate resumes of some of the conversations…

Haddy. “Darling, they want to know if you are going to sponsor the children ?
Me. Ask them what they mean by sponsor in the context they are using the word
and I’ll answer it ?
Haddy. He says the answer is either yes or no

Me. Tell him to define the word ‘sponsor’. How the hell can I answer otherwise ?
Put him on, let me speak to him…
Haddy. He says the answer is either yes or no…
Me. No ! The answer is, he’s playing games… I can’t possibly answer it unless I understand the question. Is he refusing to answer it ?
Haddy. He says it’s either yes or no ?

Well, we got nowhere with that, so try this one…

Haddy. They want to know how much you spend on bills per month ?
Me. Between £500 and £1000 approximately, depending on the month.
Haddy. They want an amount, dear…
Me. That’s ridiculous… No two months are the same… Why are they asking ?
Anyway, they’ve got six months of my bank account details sitting in front
of them, let them do the adding up and take a percentage…
Haddy. Darling, they say you have to give an amount…
Me. That is impossible… Ask him why he won’t speak to me ?
Haddy. He isn’t saying anything…
Me. Tell me something I don’t know… It’s an impossible question, no two months
are the same.

So we got nowhere with that either… Now try this one…

Haddy. They don’t believe I worked for the council…
Me. This is getting stupid… Tell them to e-mail L** M**** He’s the bloody manager
for God’s sake ! We both worked for him. You’ve got the photographs, for
God’s sake ?
Haddy. They don’t believe me, dear…
Me. Just tell him to check the facts and stop playing games, or better still, put
the Phone on loudspeaker ‘cos I’m going to explode in a minute and I want
that unhelpful bastard to hear every word…

Needless to say, she didn’t…

Haddy. They want to know how you intend to fit me into your flat ?
Me. I don’t have a flat. I have a four bedroomed house and what is more they know
that, they’ve got the house deeds sitting in front of them. Otherwise why did
I shell out for a certified copy of them down the solicitor’s ?
They’re just trying to get you to make a mistake in what you are telling them
and it’s beginning to piss me off, but that’s what our wonderful government
has told them to do, love…
Tell ‘em to read the bloody documents instead of implying, inferring and
twisting everything you say…

And so we went on, and on, and on, and on… A phone call approximately every seven minutes for about an hour.

What I didn’t realise at the time is that she’s having to do the whole thing by
e-mail so it makes it even more difficult.
Pissed off ?
Yeah… You could say that.
You could also say what the fuck do these bastards think they are playing at ?
I appreciate that the Tories had won the recent election by promising to cut the tide of illegal freeloaders coming into the country, but this was absolutely fucking offensive…
Haddy rang back to say she had finished and she was now at home…
Now we could only wait.

It’s going to be fun at work tomorrow !!!!

Rhythms of the World came and went in July.
I had a good if busy time and everybody who played the Arcadeclectic Stage managed to either equal or exceed expectations.
Along with my old mate Grant Meaby from Parnassus performance



who just casually went into a great poetry set...












Mention must be made of Mr Glen Matlock



Who's a nice bloke and very underrated as a songwriter, and... Does a great acoustic set which as a former Sex Pistol, he isn't actually known for.
Entertaining, witty, fun and talented... The man is a natural.
Get to see him when you can.

The Astronauts...



Who were playing the complete 'Peter Pan Hits The Suburbs' album for the very first time in their thirty year existence.

Jon Falconer...



Who we’d met at Twist of Fete and who’d replaced a missing poet at very short notice.

The Ballachulish Hellhounds who’d come all the way down from Glasgae...



And who by the end of their set would be quite at home as Hitchin Hellhounds...
They would definitely be invited back.

Miss Saxy lady...












Sandra Grant, who graces any stage she's on quite naturally...



Spandex Ballet, who quite honestly stole the show over the two days...















and Zounds...



Who had re-formed earlier in the year and were playing their only British festival date of the year for us.
For me those were the standouts but the rest were equally as good in their own niches and lets face it, it’s only personal taste on the day, anyway.


After about a month of waiting a very furious me contacted his M.P. to demand to know what was happening ?
I never did get to talk to him but his assistant did say that immigration was causing the most amount of complaints and I’d just have to be patient…
Well, that’s not surprising is it ?

Now it’s August and we’re off to Cropredy to see Fairport Convention except there is still no Haddy…
















Note the t-shirt...
That's about as close as the family are going to get this year.

Christ did it rain ?
It pissed down in buckets as Ruth, Joseph and Steve will definitely attest...

















I know ‘Croppers’ is famous for it especially if Richard Thompson is playing, but he wasn’t there this year so we all vainly hoped…
Alas, it was not to be.
We got soaked.




Honourable mentions must be made of ahab who are a great little folkie band, Leatherat, who are a great rock band that sound a bit like The Levellers but without the crusty political shit and are definitely on my must see again list...
And the amazingly talented...















and wonderfully professional... Little Feat...









Who really did steal the show this year I think ?


Despite having to make the announcement to the crowd that Richie Hayward, their original drummer from day one, had died the previous day.
It was a sad announcement for us fans who had seen the band previously, but they played on... For Brother Ritchie...
He'll be missed.

Aw shit !
Haddy would have loved them.
She would have known most of the stuff they played because we were always playing them in the van when we were travelling between woods.
Mind you… she’d have been a bit put out by the rain…
Bloody stuff was incessant.

Another month passes, Now it’s September… And finally I get the phone call…
Can I please ring the High Commission by twelve noon tomorrow ?
Well, I thought I could but the system went down at half past eight and didn’t recover so now I’m frantically trying to e-mail…
Help !
Who can fix the computer ?
Josh.
I’ll tell you what, that guy is a lifesaver.
Within half an hour I’ve got through and I asked what the problem had been ?

'Oh, we’ve got a new system, didn’t anybody tell you ?
They should have done because instead of taking five weeks (and no checks) like it did under Blair and Brown’s Labour Government, it now takes a minimum of ninety days because everything is being checked thoroughly…
I’m surprised nobody told you… They should have done'
Hmmm ?
Makes you wonder why Steven McPartland my new Tory M.P. didn’t, doesn’t it ?
We’d just got rid of Barbara Follett for ripping us off for over forty thousand quid in dishonest expense claims…
So now I want to know why McPartland couldn’t have been a little more honest with me ?
Only two possibilities spring to mind…
Either he didn’t know in which case he’s incompetent, or he’d been told not to...
In which case he’s an unhelpful self-serving git ?
Ain’t that just like an M.P.
Only interested in themselves and furthering their career ?
Fuck the constituents.
They don’t count for shit at the end of the day.
No real change there, then.

Three days later Haddy is on the line…
She’s been granted the visa she needs but the downside is that she won’t be able to claim for anything.
Not a fucking thing…
Every freeloading jihadist, every freeloader from Europe, every freeloading cunt from Britain… All can claim for everything going, but because my wife is African she can’t claim for anything…
And you know what the sickest thing is ?
It was the Labour government that ensured it.
So much for Labour being the people’s party.
A more corrupt bunch of self serving cunts hadn’t been seen in parliament since the days of the rotten boroughs.
They’d brought the price up from about thirty quid to a couple of hundred just for a visitors visa from the most poverty stricken continent on the planet when they realised the B.N.P. had been getting more support than they used to, because they wanted immigrants to be grateful to them and so they would vote for them.
Because of the treaty in Europe all the Europeans flocked in to claim their free houses and since most of those were white, then the B.N.P. wouldn’t notice the amounts…
And by and large, it had worked.
Unless you had a large immigrant ghetto on your doorstep, then the B.N.P. would stay quieter because they were unable to notice the immigrants…
Not black or brown, you see ?
And it had worked perfectly as the vote for the B.N.P had tailed off when it had mattered to them.
If you don't believe me then try looking up the prices of visas to the U.K. from other countries.
Europeans don't count, but what about from the U.S.A, Australia, Japan and China ?
I've already looked them up, now it's your turn.
Why are their citizens charged next to nothing compared to the African countries ?

We'd encountered problems with Rhythms of The World this year.
We'd booked Daniel 'Dante' Bello, a South African poet with family over here already so staying wouldn't be a problem, and who had a British publisher of his work...
The application was refused.

Now after the influx from Europe, this country is left with a huge welfare bill and no council housing…
And because of that my wife will never be part of David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ because being unable to claim a thing, she is officially a second class citizen…
Every freeloading cunt in this country has more rights than she does.
How sad is that ?
Do I despise this country and those who caused this state of affairs ?
Is the Pope a Catholic ?
Do bears shit in the woods ?
What a fucking stupid question ?
Although the word despise doesn’t even come close to how I feel.

She’s got a couple of things to sort out but she’ll be flying into Gatwick in about a week…
It drains you, you know ?
Drains you totally.
I just felt numb.
Christ !
What have those bastards done to us ?

What A Short Strange Trip It's Been...

Well, you know what they say ?
All good things have got to come to an end, and this trip was ending much too rapidly.
We'd spent a few days lounging at Ocean bay, a few days lounging at Leybato Sunrise and a few days lounging around the compound.















We'd had sun and we'd had rain...





and believe me, when I say we'd had rain we'd had it !
I’d shot out there to bring Haddy the documents that she needed.
She’d collected hers together, and now was the time to do it.
The kids had decided what they were going to do in their lives and a further college course and studying was going to be required for Husainatou and Hassanatou who were actually splitting up for the first time in their lives.
It was going to make a huge difference to both of them as one could not now cover for the other.
Neither of them had ever got into trouble at school because they were always posing as each other to get the other one out of any jam.
Now they were both off in different directions, one into banking and the other into the travel industry
Amadou was still struggling to join the army as the intake had been restricted after the recent alleged coup attempt on the President and since neither of us had the money to pay for a pilot’s course, he knew he was going to have to be a pretty astounding student and was seriously going to have to study to make the top five students in the country so as to get a government scholarship, but he was prepared to give it a go and we were both prepared to support that.
Mariama had just changed her school and was doing a lot better than she had previously.
Well, that’s the way WE were thinking, anyway…

So the last full day dawns and we spend it reasonably productively at Bakau playing at ‘Tourista’s’, and buying a couple of bits and bobs (So long as I got them at the right price… And I did) and West Africa Tours in the afternoon, picking up a couple of cheques for Leybato Sunrise, plus I get a couple of shots of the local sea vulture population…
They just sat there on the roof of the building on the other side of the road as we went for a taxi.
Truth to tell, this was the closest I’d ever come to one of them, apart from a couple of visits ago at Leybato and Paradise Beach where they circled overhead while Mariama was taking me for a walk up the beach past all the local fishermen who were cleaning out their boats.
Hence the interest of the vultures...
They are seriously ‘Ugly as Fuck’ to use a vulgar English term but there is something about them. You see them up that close and there’s something strange about them…
It’s like they are just checking you out for dinner.
Always aware… Always looking…
I got the feeling I was being spoken about.
Yes, I know… Dozy old twat !
But… That’s what I felt and it was bloody eerie to feel like that in the middle of the afternoon.
The real life versions of something that escaped from the film ‘The Dark Crystal’.
Remember that film ?
It was made by a Muppet or two ?
Messrs Jim Henson and Frank Oz.










And those puppets are creepy.
I don’t care what anyone else says or thinks ?
They’re creepy.
Vultures are the same.

We gave out a couple of the bits and bobs when we got back…
Here’s Mariama with a few friends and something that was so underpriced I was amazed ?
I’d have liked to buy her the bigger one but this was a gift at the price, so…










Anyway, she’d been doing very well at her new school and had gone from about fortieth in a class of fifty five-ish to top ten.
Which in my book at least deserves a bit of recognition, and so…
One small ballaphon which for all them as don’t know, is the forerunner of the xylophone and marimba.
It’s obviously not a full size one, but hey ! She can always progress ?
One small intstrument for girlkind and one loud noise for mankind...
If you get the drift ?

The following morning was so sad.
I finally terminated my swimming plimsoles that I’d had since I was fifteen…
They’d been in as many seas and oceans as I had so it was soul destroying to get rid of them but they were more painful to wear now than actually treading on either broken glass, a jagged tin, a rock or a sea-urchin (It’s the last one that hurts the most…) whilst in the sea.
Maybe a comfortable new pair might make up for them ?
I took them to the rubbish bag myself.















Well, you wouldn’t get somebody else to shoot your bloody horse if it had a broken leg, would you ?
That afternoon it’s the usual sad goodbye at Banjul airport but we’ve tried to put it at bay by meeting Anna from the previously mentioned West Africa Tours who buys the goodbye coffees, and then the flight is called and I’m off through security to Luigi’s outside the departure lounge where I will buy a hideously overpriced cheese baguette with another black coffee.
Yes, the cheese baguette is overpriced, but I’ll give them one thing…
It actually tastes like it should taste.
This is no pre-packed airport food.
This is made freshly when you ask for it.
Ok, I’ll shut up about the price…
But it’s BLOODY USURY…!
A noisy flight owing to screaming and crying babies…
And they banned smoking ?
What’s worse ?
A yelling and screaming infant, or a cigarette ?
If you have to get rid of one then surely you could have got rid of the other ?
Looks like a fair trade-off to me ?
I’m tequila’d and tobacco’d up and so it’s the red zone for me…
Hi guy’s…

What a short strange trip it’s been ?
Certainly the strangest yet.
Now all either of us can do is await the outcome.
It’s not as if I haven’t got anything to be getting on with ?
Rhythms Of The World is next month.
Please God let it be soon…
Please.


Sorry about the delay in the photo's but it would seem perseverance pays off ?
Still takes about ten minutes to upload one shot tho'